2011 NFL Picks

NFL Picks, 2011 Season

NFC East

1. Eagles

2. Cowboys

3. Giants

4. Redskins

NFC North

1. Packers

2. Lions

3. Bears

4. Vikings

NFC South

1. Saints

2. Falcons

3. Buccaneers

4. Panthers

NFC West

1. Rams

2. Cardinals

3. Seachickens

4. Niners

AFC East

1. Patriots

2. Jets

3. Bills

4. Dolphins

AFC North

1. Steelers

2. Ravens

3. Browns

4. Bengals

AFC South

1. Texans

2. Colts

3. Titans

4. Jaguars

AFC West

1. Chargers

2. Broncos

3. Chiefs

4. Raiders

MVP: Phillip Rivers

Most Passing Yards: Phillip Rivers

Most Rushing TDs: Adrian Peterson

Most Receiving TDs: Vincent Jackson

Most Sacks: Elvis Dumervil

AFC Wild Cards: Ravens, Jets

First Round Winners: Chargers, Jets

Divisional Round Winners: Patriots, Chargers

Conference Championship: Patriots

NFC Wild Cards: Cowboys, Falcons

First Round Winners: Falcons, Packers

Divisional Round Winners: Saints, Packers

Conference Championship: Saints

Super Bowl Champ: Saints

Super Bowl MVP: Drew Brees

1. Over/Under Games Played Albert Haynesworth, 7.5: Over

2. O/U Games Started by TJack, 9.5: Over

3. O/U Games Played by Peyton Manning, 11.5: Under

4. O/U Games Played by Michael Vick, 13.5: Under

5. O/U TDs by Chad Ochocinco, 6.5: Under

6. Better QB Rating, Bradford or Stafford (min 6 games - if qb plays less than six games, other guy gets it): Bradford

7. Worst Team (record, offensive stats if there's a tie) (aka, Winner of the "Suck for Luck" sweepstakes): Cincinnati Bengals

8. O/U Rookie QB's who Start a Game, 4.5: Over

9. Highest Scoring Team: Atlanta

10. More Rushing Yards, Chris Johnson or Adrian Peterson: Chris Johnson

NFC East

1. Eagles
2. Cowboys
3. Giants
4. Racist Logos

NFC North

1. Packers
2. Lions
3. Bears
4. Vikings

NFC South

1. Falcons
2. Saints
3. Bucs
4. Panthers

NFC West

1.Cardinals
2. Rams
3. Seagulls
4.49ers

AFC East

1. Pats
2. Jets
3. Bills
4. Dolphins

AFC North

1. Steelers
2. Ravens
3. Browns
4. Bengals

AFC South

1. Texans
2. Colts
3. Titans
4. Jags

AFC West

1. Chargers
2. Chiefs
3. Raiders
4. Broncos

MVP: Aaron Rodgers
Most Passing Yards: Philip Rivers
Most Rushing TD: Arian Foster
Most Receiving TDs: Roddy White
Most Sacks: DeMarcus Ware

AFC Wild Cards: Jets Colts
First Round Winners: Chargers Texans
Second Round Winners: Chargers Steelers
AFC Champs: Chargers

NFC Wild Card: Cowboys Saints
NFC First Round Winners: Falcons Saints
NFC Second Round Winners: Packers Eagles
NFC Champ: Packers

Super Bowl Champ: Packers
Super Bowl MVP: Ryan Grant

1. Over Under Games Played Albert Haynesworth 7.5: over
2. O/U Games Started by Tavaris Jackson 9.5: under
3. O/U Games Played by Peyton Manning 11.5: over
4. O/U Games Played by Michael Vick 13.5: over
5. O/U Touchdowns by Ochocinco 6.5: over
6. Better QB Rating, Bradford or Stafford (min 6 games - if qb plays less than six games, other guy gets it): Stafford
7. Worst Team (record, offensive stats if there's a tie) (aka, Winner of the "Suck for Luck" sweepstakes): 49ers
8. O/U Rookie QB's who Start a Game, 4.5: Over
9. Highest Scoring Team: Patriots
10. More Rushing Yards, Chris Johnson or Adrian Peterson: Peterson

I Know This Game

My picks? You say you want my picks? Listen, we'll get to my picks... you see, sonny, I know this game. I know the number of granules of sand in the infield. EVERY infield. I know the density of every blade of grass in every outfield in this country - that's right, this country. I don't accept that baseball plays north of the border - yes, i count the stats and records of the game up there, but i'm not going to clutter this gem of a brain with details about that wonky retractable roof monstrosity up there in Toe Rahn Toe...

But what I know that you don't, kid, besides all my picks this season, is the secret history of the game. Let me give you an example - you know how all these games get played at night these days, right? That wasn't always the case. Oh you know that? You know that, do ya? Look at you, tellin the old man what he knows and doesn't know.

Well ok, so you know they used to play only during the day. Well did you ever hear the story about Ed Coleman? Wasn't a great player by any means, but has some solid years for the Atheletics (and i still call them that... what's this "A's" business... they're the Atheletics, gawddammit!) in the early 30's. But then 1935 hits, and night games start, this guys career drops off almost immediately. What's that about, I ask you?

See, the problem with Coleman was that he was a werewolf. That's right, a werewolf. Couldn't keep his shit together in night games, always thought the full moon would come out... Day games, he could keep it together just fine - he'd play his game, get to the hotel, lock himself in his room with a bottle of booze and soothe his inner demons... but the night games meant he had to play under moonlight... wouldn't ya know it, within a year, he'd skeedaddled his way out of the league...

Bullshit? Bullshit, you claim? Oh, how would you know, little man, with your internets and your pda's and all that nonsense... always believe what you read, eh?

Just get to the picks??? That's all i'm good for... i get it. Here they are... now beat it and let me get back to my game on the radio...

My Picks

American League

East:

1. Boston

2. New York

3. Tampa

4. Toronto

5. Baltimore

Central:

1. Chicago

2. Minnesota

3. Detroit

4. Kansas City

5. Cleveland

West:

1. Texas

2. Oakland

3. Seattle

4. Los Angeles

AL Wild Card: Yankees

National League

East:

1. Phillies

2. Braves

3. Florida

4. Washington

5. New York

Central:

1. Cincinnati

2. Milwaukee

3. St. Louis

4. Chicago

5. Pittsburgh

6. Houston

West:

1. San Francisco

2. Colorado

3. Los Angeles

4. San Diego

5. Arizona

NL Wild Card: Braves

First round playoff winners:

AL: Boston, Texas

NL: Atlanta, Philadelphia

AL Champs: Boston

NL Champs: Philadelphia

World Series Champs: Philadelphia

AL MVP: Adrian Gonzalez, Bos

NL MVP: Jay Bruce, Cin

AL Cy Young: Felix Hernandez

NL Cy Young: Cliff Lee

HR Leader:

AL: Miguel Cabrera

NL: Jay Bruce

AVG Leader:

AL: Ichiro Suzuki

NL: Albert Pujols

ERA Leader:

AL: Felix Hernandez

NL: Roy Halladay

K's Leader:

AL: Jon Lester

NL: Tim Lincecum

Questions:

1. More Wins: Roy Halladay or Cliff Lee? Cliff Lee

2. Who leads the league in OPS+? Adrian Gonzalez

3. Which league has a greater percentage of teams with winning records, American or National? National

4. Over/Under on number of different Yankees who start a game this season at 7.5? Over

5. Worst Stafff ERA in the Major Leagues? Cleveland

6. When will Jeter get 3,000? June 18

7. Over/Under on Ichiro's XBH at 37.5? Over

8. How many starts by Erik Bedard? 20

9. More Runs by Pedroia or Cano? Pedroia

10. Better Stats, Lincecum or Felix (W, K, ERA, WHIP, SO, CG, HR allowed)? Felix

The Bet - Baseball Edition

Just as a refresher, I'd like to reiterate the rules from last year:

The wager: One bottle of mid-grade spirits, to be chosen by the victor. No plastic jugs from the bottom shelf, no dusty bottles from the top shelf... somewhere in the 30-60 dollar range.

The rules: Each participant - Zaaq and BS - must choose the correct final standings of all divisions in the American League and National League, the Wild Card teams, the Division Series winners, the League Championship winners, and the World Series champ. Additionally, each participant must choose each league's MVP, Cy Young Winner, HR champ, Batting Average Champ, Strikeouts Champ and ERA champ (for starting pitching).

The point structure:

• One point for each correct slot picked - 30 total possible points
• 2 additional points for each division winner correctly picked - 12 points
• 5 additional points for each division completely correctly picked - 30 total points
• 2 points for picking the correct wild card teams - 4 total points
• 4 points for picking each correct divisional championship winner - 16 possible points
• 6 points for picking the correct league champion - 12 possible points
• 10 points for picking the world series winner - 10 possible points
• 1 point each for MVP, Cy Young, HR leader, Average leader, ERA leader and Ks leader - 12 possible points
• 1 point each for correctly answering the 10 yearly questions generated by BS and Zaaq - 10 possible points

Perfect season = 136 points

Old Time Baseball

It ain't something I like to talk about. No sir. Best to let the past be. You go a dragging it up and you like to bring back trouble. Better to let things die.

But I can see you ain't about to let it alone. Youth is like that; can't sit still, can't leave well enough alone. Want to know the truth do you, no matter what the stakes. Fine. But once I pass the knowledge along to you it's your burden.

Back in nineteen and twenty five I was doing a bit of work for the government. I'd fought in the first great war, and on account of my Mother being from Munich, did a little cross trench spying for our boys. Good teacher my Ma. Had me the accent down and everything.

When I got back state side, the federal boys kept in touch. Nothing too official mind you. Just a job here or there. Never much information. Never enough to put together what was going on. But you could guess. Yes sir, you could.

But back in twenty five the federal boys sent a telegram telling me to go on up to New York City. Had me a room booked at the Algonquin hotel. Once I got in I was to get a table at the bar and wait for my orders.

Now The Algonquin was the place to be back then. Any number of famous people in and out of there. So I gets in to the hotel and gets my table at the bar and start knocking down Sazeracs.

Pretty soon this young fella in a nice suit sits down beside me. Had fed written all over him. Name of Jost. Says I had a mark coming by the hotel bar soon. Says I was to find a way to belly up next to him. Gave me a pouch of powder to slip into his drink.

Then he warned me. Don't back out just cause you may recognize this fella. He's a famous ball player he says. Seems the Government had an interest in Baseball. Saw it as a symbol. This ball player I was to meet came off the wrong way, and some people wanted to teach him a lesson. Get him out the picture for a spell. Also they figured he was half black.

And can you guess who that ball player turned out to be? It was Babe Ruth. He was easy to get close to; seemed like he was booked entertainment and not a customer the way he was talking people up.

I hated to slip him the powder that gave him that famous stomach ache that made him miss half the season. But that was my job back then. I went right out after and bet a whole bunch of money against the Yankees winning anything that year and sure enough they didn't even finish .500. Won a truck load of money. Ain't never looked back neither. That's how I'm still picking them today. Winners too boy, you bet.

AL East

1. Yankees

2. Red Sux

3. Blue Jays

4. Orioles

5. Rays

AL Central

1. White sox

2. Twins

3. Tigers

4. Royals

5. Racist Logos

AL West

1. Rangers

2 Angels

3. A's

4. Swabbies

NL East

1. Phillies

2. Braves

3. Marlins

4. Mets

5. Nationals

NL Central

1. Reds

2. Brewers

3. Cardinals

4. Cubs

5. Pirates

6. Astros

NL West

1. Giants

2. Dodgers

3. Rockies

4. Diamondbacks

AL Wild Card: Red Sux

NL Wild Card: Braves

Alcs winner: Yankees over Rangers

Nlcs winner: Reds over Phillies

WS Winner: Yankees over Reds

WS MVP: CC Sabathia

AL MVP Mark Texiera

NL MVP Puljos

AL Cy Young: Jon Lester

NL Cy Young: Roy Halladay

AL ROY: Jeremy Hellickson

NL ROY: Freddie Freeman

NL Avg: Hanley Ramirez

AL Avg: Miguel Cabrera

NL HR: Prince Fielder

AL HR: Mark Texiera

NL ERA: Roy Halladay

AL ERA: Felix Hernandez

NL K: Roy Halladay

AL K: Justin Verlander

1. When will Jeter reach 3000 hits? July 2nd

2. Over under on Ichiro's extra base hits- 37.5? Under

3. Better stats Lincecum or Felix- W, K, ERA, WHIP, SO, CG, HR allowed? Felix

4. Games started by E. Bedard? 14

5. More runs scored Pedroia or Cano? Pedroia

6. More Wins: Roy Halladay or Cliff Lee? Halladay

7. Who leads the league in OPS+? Pujlos

8. Which league has a greater percentage of teams with winning records, American or

National? American

9. Over/Under on number of different Yankees who start a game this season at 7.5? Over

10. Worst Stafff ERA in the Major Leagues? Houston

Pad and Paper

I knew they were coming for me. I could hear the shrill growling off in the distance, the moaning and shifting of legs. They were so fast - who knew they could be so fast? We all thought the undead walked with the slow, groaning pace of the old Romero movies. Boy were we wrong. Those fuckers can cruise.

I slinked along the shadows, the only light from the fires burning in the distance and an obscenely full moon. That moon would be my savior and my downfall, I was sure. Yes, I could see the bastards, but they could see me too. Their vacant, yellowing eyes bulge and glinted red when they caught sight of me. At that point, it was kill or be killed, and pacifist as I once was, I ain't too bad a shot.

As I rounded the corner of the decaying brownstone block, I saw them. There was a feeding frenzy off in the distance, and the bastards seemed to be coming from miles around to join in the mayhem. I took the opportunity to swing up on the fire escape, one of few that I had seen that seemed sturdy and still attached to the building. Always go for higher ground, pappy always told me.

A blessedly cool breeze met me at the top of the 4 story building, carrying with it embers of the burning city, but also a refreshing spirit. Maybe I could make it after all. God knows how, but maybe... It was then that, at the far end of the building, I spied him. A tall, ragged figure hunched over a pen and paper. I didn't know any of those remained in this hell hole, but like everything else, if you lucked into it, you could find stashes of just about everything. Canned food, porn, baby dolls, magazines, you name it.

He scribbled with such intensity, such fury. What could he be writing? Had he learned a way to defeat the undead hordes? I rushed over to him, sawed-off cocked and ready. As I neared, he finished scrawling, pausing to re-read the tome. At that point, he must have heard my weak footsteps, as his head perked up. Then it cocked at the most unnatural angle to look straight through me.

Those eyes. Those yellowing eyes, tinged with red. He was one of them! It took no time at all for me to do what was needed. Fucker had to die, and die he did. As he staggered backwards and fell from the precipice, I crouched and snuck over to the pad to see what secrets he had to share. Ugh, figures... the non-sensical scribblings of a zombified madman.... I kept down and sought cover.

NFC

East

1. Cowboys

2. Giants

3. Eagles

4. Redskins

South

1. Saints

2. Falcons

3. Bucs

4. Panthers

North

1. Packers

2. Vikings

3. Lions

4. Bears

West

1. 49ers

2. Seahawks

3. Cardinals

4. Rams

AFC

East

1. Patriots

2. Jets

3. Dolphins

4. Bills

South

1. Colts

2. Texans

3. Titans

4. Jaguars

North

1. Ravens

2. Bengals

3. Steelers

4. Browns

West

1. Chargers

2. Broncos

3. Chiefs

4. Raiders

NFC Wildcards: Giants, Falcons

AFC Wildcards: Bengals, Texans

NFC First Round Winners: 49ers, Cowboys

AFC First Round Winners: Texans, Patriots

NFC Divisional Winners: Cowboys, Packers

AFC Divisional Winners: Colts, Ravens

NFC Champion: Packers

AFC Champion: Ravens

Super Bowl Champion: Packers

Super Bowl MVP: Aaron Rodgers

MVP: Aaron Rodgers, GB

Offensive Player of the Year: Drew Brees, NO

Defensive Player of the Year: Patrick Willis, SF

Questions:

1. Over/Under Interceptions for Favre at 20 - Over

2. More rushing yards, Adrian Peterson (Minn) or Chris Johnson (Ten) - Johnson

3. Over/Under wins for Seahawks at 7 - Over

4. More receptions, TO or Ochocinco? - TO

5. Over/Under on games Tony Romo throws 2 or more interceptions at 4 = Over

6. Best Record in the NFL: Saints
7. Worst Record in the NFL: Bills
8. More Yards Passing Rivers, or Brady?: Brady
9. Cowboy with Most Rushing TDs: Barber
10. Sack Leader in NFL: Mario Williams

The moments of forgetfulness are what matter. Release of the mind allows me to survive in the present. Instinct forms the man into the beast within. Just like them.

But I can't forget. Not for long. It chases me, the past. Taunts me with its mundane complexities, and comfortable simplicities. My boring bloodless life before the Moon turned red, and the Sun shone black.

I hunt people now, just like the dead. They hunt for food. I hunt for hope. I'd found one months ago. Obviously a bear of a man once, he'd shrunken and bent to the bitter realities of a world cursed. He was anxious to leave. Like most people after the fall, he felt there was safety in hermitage: stay low, stay quiet, stay hidden. Any group draws attention, and the only ones paying were the hoards.

We talked around a fire that night; a dangerous thing. His spirit had grown so dark as to be a shadow. In an effort to help, I broke my rule against memory. We talked about football. That silly pointless game that left the players broken, and the fans broke. We both had loved it once.

He surprised me with a sudden brightening. An offer of a wager. The prize a bottle of fine whiskey. It was a silly thing, a pointless thing. I couldn't say yes fast enough.

The horrors came before dawn, and we were scattered. I ran over a mile before looking back. The creatures are fast, but clumsy over rough, uneven terrain. Once out of sight they stop chasing. The prey forgotten. The dead have no memory.

But mine was back. I'd scratched my answers to the wager in ash with a smoldering twig onto the pages of a battered hymnal. I'll find him I told myself. And I'll win that bottle of whiskey. And I'll drink this whole damned world away.

Fin.

NFC East
1. Cowboys
2. Giants
3. Racist Logos
4. Eagles

NFC West,
1. 49ers
2. Cardinals
3. Seagulls
4. Rams

NFC North
1. Packers
2. Vikings
3. Bears
4. Lions

NFC South
1. Saints
2. Falcons
3. Panthers
4. Bucs

AFC East
1. Patriots
2. Jets
3. Dolphins
4. Bills

AFC West
1. Chargers
2. Raiders
3. Chiefs
4. Broncos

AFC North
1. Ravens
2. Steelers
3. Bengals
4. Browns

AFC South
1. Colts
2. Texans
3. Titans
4. Jags

MVP: Drew Brees
Offensive Player of the Year: Chris Johnson
Defensive player of the Year: Demarcus Ware
AFC Wildcards: Steelers, Jets
NFC Wildcards: Giants, Vikings
AFC First Round Winners: Ravens, Patriots
AFC Second Round Winners: Ravens, Colts
AFC Champ: Ravens
NFC First Round Winners: Giants, Cowboys
NFC Second Round Winners: Packers, Cowboys
NFC Champ: Cowboys
Super Bowl Champ: Cowboys
Super Bowl MVP: Tony Romo

1. Best Record in the NFL: Colts
2. Worst Record in the NFL: Bills
3. More Yards Passing Rivers, or Brady?: Brady
4. Cowboy with Most Rushing TDs: Barber
5. Sack Leader in NFL: DeMarcus Ware

1. Over/Under Interceptions for Favre at 20: Under

2. More rushing yards, Adrian Peterson (Minn) or Chris Johnson (Ten): Johnson

3. Over/Under wins for Seahawks at 7: Under

4. More receptions, TO or Ochocinco? Ochocinco

5. Over/Under on games Tony Romo throws 2 or more interceptions at 4: Under