Bloated and Belated-2008 NFL Predictions

Somebody light a match, I just spent two months in the crapper.

But now that I've passed that massive turd, I can get back to posting sports rambles that no one will read. Let's predictionate!

Granted the first week of the season has been past, but so is Sarah Palin's amniotic fluid, supposedly leaked from Texas to Alaska like some meta-oil state Hansel and Gretel breadcrumb trail. If she can get her birth on in such a grossly suspect and just plain gross manner so can I!

NFC East:
1. Cowboys- Unless Romo goes down.
2. Giants- The wild card team.
3. Eagles- They'll swoon when McNabb goes down. Which he will and probably take Westbrook with him.
4. The Racist Logos- Who cares about these douches? Lobbyists? Glad they suck.

NFC South:
1. Saints-Now that Deuce is less of a factor maybe they'll take the reins off Reggie.
2. Panthers- Will just miss the playoffs.
3. Bucs- Their tiny window closed against the Giants in the playoffs last year. Blow it up.
4. Falcons- Don't get too excited Atlanta. You were playing Detroit.

NFC West:
1. Cards- Too much talent for the rest of the weakest division in football outside of the Big East.
2. Hawks- A .500 team. Holgrem likes to end things the way he starts them.
3. Rams- Living in the past?
4. 49ers- Wha...Wha...happened?

NFC North:
1. Packers- Rogers is better than Orton so they get the nod over the Bears.
2. Bears- The second Wild Card
3. Vikings: Starting at QB Tavaris Jackson! What a waste.
4. Lions: Back to being the worst team in football. Matt Millen is a Sith.

AFC North:
1. Steelers- A rematch of the '96 bowl with Dallas could be in the cards.
2. Ravens- So boring. Coolest nickname in 'ball though.
3. Browns- Another window missed from last season.
4. Bengals- Blow it up II.

AFC South:
1. Colts- Until they lose it, they're the team to beat.
2. Jags- Will just miss the playoffs.
3. Houston- .500
4. Titans- Vince Young. The Derrick Coleman of the NFL.

AFC West:
1. Broncos- Best of the second worst division in the NFL.
2. Chargers- Second Wild Card
3. Chiefs- Herm Edwards is the Sith apprentince.
4. Raiders- Al Davis is the Lord of the Siths.

AFC East:
1. Jets- Get used to it.
2. Patriots- The third Wild Card team. Unless Bradey goes down. Oh wait...
3. Bills- .500
4. Dolphins- Better than their record.

First Round NFC Winners- Saints, and Bears
First Round AFC Winners- Colts, and Jets

Second Round NFC Winners- Cowboys and Saints
Second Round AFC Winners- Steelers and Broncos

NFC Champs: Cowboys
AFC Champs: Steelers

Super Bowl Champs: Cowboys

MVP: Tony Romo

Don't worry about a repeat in 2009 though. Every single member of the 'boys will hold out of the '09 training camp for more money, hookers, and blow.