Lucky Number Three

So it was the weirdest thing... It was the third day of March, and I was halfway through a six-pack of my Ommegang Three Philosophers. I had just returned home via the 3 train from my job at the rope factory, and was well into the George Clooney - Mark Wahlberg - Spike Jonze classic "Three Kings" when I heard the distinct clanging of a cowbell from my backyard.

I sprung to attention and lept to the backyard, only to hear three more clangings of the cowbell, and a strange, hobbit/witch hybrid creature appear in a puff of smoke.

In a gravelly, creaky and downright unsettling tone, this peculiar creature croaked, "You have 3's in your future. It has happened twice before, and your opportunity for the thrice shall appear within the fortnight..." I was about to quibble with this woman/hobbit abomination, but before I could get a word out, another three clangs on the cowbell and a puff of smoke. She was gone.

In her stead, a crow. Three caws and he too was gone.

I chalked this up to having had 3 large, heavily alcohol laden beers, but even under my most blotto conditions, never had I hallucinated crows and hobbit witches...

I spent the next several days at the ready, searching for any possible meanings for "the thrice" and coming up blank time after time. Soon thereafter, though, on the creepiest Friday the 13th I was ever to know, a flash of light blinded me as I walked the lonely streets of Brooklyn.

Across the street, in the distance, I noticed a bewildered man in strange dress. The strange was not the source of my interest, for in his hand, the man clutched a large starfish. All my life, for no apparent reason, I have harbored unnatural aversions to the most peculiar of sea-faring creatures, but have felt strangely compelled to them.

Drawn as though possessed by magnetism, I approached the frightened and bewildered man... I know that man... that is a Coxian visage if ever I saw him... He held in his other hand... THE WAGER!!!!

It was then that I knew my quest - I must summon forth from the depths of my being my list. My wager. That was the thrice. I had mustered the forethought and prognosticatory ability to master the Cox before, and as the hobbit-witch lady predicted, my chance for a third time now presented itself.

"Behold, Future Man! Your challenge is accepted. I shall prove to the Cox line, once and for all, the Jostian superiority over all things prognosticating. Shake in your futuristic boots, bionic boy!"

The Predictions

AL East:
1. Boston
2. New York
3. Tampa
4. Toronto
5. Baltimore

AL Central:
1. Cleveland
2. Minnesota
3. Detroit
4. Kansas City
5. Chicago

AL West:
1. Los Angeles
2. Oakland
3. Seattle
4. Texas

NL East:
1. New York
2. Philadelphia
3. Florida
4. Atlanta
5. Washington

NL Central:
1. Chicago
2. Milwaukee
3. Cincinnati
4. St. Louis
5. Houston
6. Pittsburgh

NL West:
1. Los Angeles
2. San Francisco
3. Arizona
4. Colorado
5. Padres


Wild Card Teams:
AL: New York
NL: Milwaukee

Division Playoffs:
Yankees over Indians
Red Sox over Angels
Cubs over Dodgers
Mets over Brewers

AL Champions: Red Sox
NL Champions: Mets
World Series: Red Sox in 6

Batting Champ:
AL: Ichiro
NL: Chipper Jones

Home Run Champ:
AL: Mark Teixeira
NL: Ryan Howard

ERA Champ:
AL: Roy Halladay
NL: Johan Santana

Strikeout Champ:
AL: Tim Lincecum
NL: C.C. Sabathia

MVP:
AL: Grady Sizemore
NL: David Wright

Cy Young:
AL: C.C. Sabathia
NL: Johan Santana