Take this whack-job who hires me last week. Wanted me to setup a remote video/audio receiver with speak/mic capability. No problem. Than he says he wants it the size of a skin cell. Sure I says. I'll get it to you in a hundred years. He mumbles something about more like 65. Anyway I let him know what I Could Do, which was pretty badass.
Turns out this weirdo's a big time gambler. Places these bets on baseball of all things. Regular Pete Rose this guy. I told him UFC 's what's up these days. He says only until 2015 and it's revealed that 80% of the fighters are gay. When I asked how he'd know something like that, he feeds me the biggest load of shit since the farm. From the future he says. Riggghhtt.
Seems Future-Boy got some blood feud with a backwoods Pacific Northwestern clan called Jasters or Toasters or something. Figures he could fool one of them into believing a light bulb was the voice of God, or the Devil, or Jimmy the fucking Greek. Cute idea. Ask me it'll never work unless this guys a total 'tard. But hey his money's green and it must be growing off trees for as much as he's willing to lay down to get it done.
The job goes like as smooth as Kevin Durant. In and out in less than 30 minutes. An hour later I'm at the nut-job's Tribeca loft. An hour after that we're smoking cigars while he's speaking into a mic and low and behold that dimwit in the Slope thinks it's some miraculous space voice. Gotta give it to this nut-job, he's a real con who knew his mark.
AMERICAN LEAGUE:
East:
- Yankees
- Sux
- Rays
- Orioles
- Blue Jays
Central:
- Twins
- White Sox
- Tigers
- Indians
- Royals
West:
- Angels
- Mariners
- Rangers
- A's
NATIONAL LEAGUE:
East:
- Phillies
- Braves
- Mets
- Marlins
- Nationals
Central:
- Cardinals
- Brewers
- Cubs
- Reds
- Astros
- Pirates
West:
- Dodgers
- Rockies
- Giants
- Diamondbacks
- Padres
NL WC: Braves
AL WC: Sux
AL: Yanks over Angels, Sux over Twins
NL: Phillies over Dodgers, Cardinals over Braves
AL:Yanks over Sux
NL:Cardinals over Phillies
Cardinals over Yanks
Batting Champ:
AL- Ichiro
NL- Albert Puljos
Home Run Champ:
AL- A-Rod
NL- Prince Fielder
ERA Champ:
AL- Felix Hernandez
NL- Roy Halladay
Strikeout Champ:
AL- Zack Greinke
NL- Tim Lincecum
MVP:
AL- A-Rod
NL- Chase Utley
Cy Young:
AL- Felix Hernandez
NL- Roy Halladay
More K's Ryan Howard or Roy Halladay: Halladay
More Games Started Rich Harden or Ben Sheets: Rich Harden
When does the Stephen the Anchor Strasburg get his first start: May 22nd
How many fewer runs do the Sux allow: 16
Worst Team in MLB: San Diego Padres
O/U AL Home Run Leader 42.5- Over
O/U AL Pitching Wins Leader 20.5- Under
O/U Chipper Jones + Troy Glaus combined games played 236.5- Under
Higher AVG. Cano or Pedroia-Cano
O/U Mariners HR Leader 27.5- Over
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