In Search of the Fourth

Beneath my apartment, in the treacly dark depths, across the cobweb abyss, lies a pulsating blue orb. Its' low-level hum can hypnotize - you can be drawn into the blue fog and emerge in dimensions unknown. The properties of this orb are myriad and largely benevolent - keeps away insects and vermin, encourages deep and sound sleep, provides protection from all muggers and parasitic viral infection. But perhaps most important of them all, the pulsating blue orb provides counsel, support and protection from futuristic, booze-slinging-and-swilling Yankee prognosticators.

While the orb is not perfect, it's successes have been well documented. Repeated Cowboy and Yankee trouncings were only made possible by the disrupting forces which emanate from its electic core. It's cold fusion based energy propel all who supplicate themselves into stratospheric heights, particularly in the confusingly narrow confines of sports predictions.

Now I was reluctant to turn over authority to this orb of obscure origins, this ball of befuddlement, this sphere of sports picks, this globe of guesses, this pellet of prediction. But as they say in the good book, results are results.

...

...

hmmhmhmhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmhmhmhnnnnnnnnnnnnmmmmmmmmmm

(That was the blue ball. He just recited an entire novel's worth of information. If your inferior mind can hack it, i suggest you try to unpack it and see what's there. Your mind will be blown)

And so, with no further adieu, and to get to the end so I can return the glowing orb to its treacly dark, I give you Zaaq's Baseball picks.

American League

East

1. New York

2. Boston

3. Tampa

4. Baltimore

5. Toronto

Central

1. Minnesota

2. Chicago

3. Detroit

4. Cleveland

5. Kansas City

West

1. Seattle

2. Texas

3. Los Angeles

4. Oakland

Wildcard: Boston

MVP: Alex Rodriguez

Cy Young: Felix Hernandez

HR Leader: Miguel Cabrera

Average Leader: Joe Mauer

ERA Leader: Felix Hernandez

Strikeouts Leader: C.C. Sabathia

National League

East

1. Atlanta

2. Philadelphia

3. Florida

4. New York

5. Washington

Central

1. St. Louis

2. Cincinnati

3. Milwaukee

4. Chicago

5. Pittsburgh

6. Houston

West

1. Colorado

2. San Francisco

3. Arizona

4. Los Angeles

5. San Diego

Wildcard: Philadelphia

MVP: Chase Utley

Cy Young: Roy Halladay

HR Leader: Prince Fielder

Average Leader: Pablo Sandoval

ERA Leader: Roy Halladay

Strikeouts Leader: Tim Lincecum

Divisional Playoffs and Winners

New York v Seattle, NY wins

Boston v Minnesota, Minnesota wins

Philadelphia v St. Louis, Philadelphia wins

Atlanta v Colorado, Atlanta

wins

AL Champion - Minnesota

NL Champion - Atlanta

World Series - Minnesota

Questions For This Year

1. More K's, Ryan Howard or Roy Halladay? Halladay

2. More Games Started, Ben Sheets or Rich Harden? Sheets

3. What day does Steven Strasburg get his first start? May 23

4. How many fewer runs do the Red Sox allow? 18

5. Worst team in the Majors? Houston Astros

6. Over/Under AL HR Leader, 42.5? Over

7. Over/Under AL Pitching Wins Leader? Under

8. Over/Under Chipper Jones + Troy Glaus combined games played, 236.5? Over

9. Higher Batting Average, Robinson Cano or Dustin Pedroia? Robinson Cano

10. Over/Under Mariners HR Leader, 27.5? Unnnnnnnnder (they'll be lucky to get someone with 22)