The '08 Yanks

Ever put a penny in your mouth? It tastes like blood. The Yanks have 81 wins; they're not exactly bleeding. But it sure as hell tastes like copper.

Puttin My Chips on the Table - The Football Bet

So I don't have huge amounts of time to craft a super original post, but much like a casino, I need to get my chips out on the table before the dealer deals... So I'm gonna make my predictions, and I'll justify them later.

AFC East
1. Pats
2. Jets
3. Bills
4. Dolphins

AFC North
1. Pitt
2. Cleveland
3. Baltimore
4. Cincy

AFC South
1. Jacksonville
2. Indy
3. Tennessee
4. Houston

AFC East
1. Denver
2. San Diego
3. Oakland
4. Kansas City

NFC East
1. Cowboys
2. Eagles
3. Giants
4. Redskins

NFC North
1. Green Bay
2. Minnesota
3. Chicago
4. Detroit

NFC South
1. New Orleans
2. Carolina
3. Atlanta
4. Tampa Bay

NFC West
1. Seattle
2. San Francisco
3. Arizona
4. St. Louis

AFC Wild Cards: Indy, Chargers

NFC Wild Cards: Eagles, Vikings

First Round Winners, AFC: Pats, Chargers

First Round Winners, NFC: Vikings, Packers

Second Round Winners, AFC: Jacksonville, Pitt

Second Round Winners, NFC: Vikings, Cowboys

AFC Champ: Pittsburgh

NFC Champ: Cowboys

Superbowl Champ: Steelers

MVP: Tony Romo

Bloated and Belated-2008 NFL Predictions

Somebody light a match, I just spent two months in the crapper.

But now that I've passed that massive turd, I can get back to posting sports rambles that no one will read. Let's predictionate!

Granted the first week of the season has been past, but so is Sarah Palin's amniotic fluid, supposedly leaked from Texas to Alaska like some meta-oil state Hansel and Gretel breadcrumb trail. If she can get her birth on in such a grossly suspect and just plain gross manner so can I!

NFC East:
1. Cowboys- Unless Romo goes down.
2. Giants- The wild card team.
3. Eagles- They'll swoon when McNabb goes down. Which he will and probably take Westbrook with him.
4. The Racist Logos- Who cares about these douches? Lobbyists? Glad they suck.

NFC South:
1. Saints-Now that Deuce is less of a factor maybe they'll take the reins off Reggie.
2. Panthers- Will just miss the playoffs.
3. Bucs- Their tiny window closed against the Giants in the playoffs last year. Blow it up.
4. Falcons- Don't get too excited Atlanta. You were playing Detroit.

NFC West:
1. Cards- Too much talent for the rest of the weakest division in football outside of the Big East.
2. Hawks- A .500 team. Holgrem likes to end things the way he starts them.
3. Rams- Living in the past?
4. 49ers- Wha...Wha...happened?

NFC North:
1. Packers- Rogers is better than Orton so they get the nod over the Bears.
2. Bears- The second Wild Card
3. Vikings: Starting at QB Tavaris Jackson! What a waste.
4. Lions: Back to being the worst team in football. Matt Millen is a Sith.

AFC North:
1. Steelers- A rematch of the '96 bowl with Dallas could be in the cards.
2. Ravens- So boring. Coolest nickname in 'ball though.
3. Browns- Another window missed from last season.
4. Bengals- Blow it up II.

AFC South:
1. Colts- Until they lose it, they're the team to beat.
2. Jags- Will just miss the playoffs.
3. Houston- .500
4. Titans- Vince Young. The Derrick Coleman of the NFL.

AFC West:
1. Broncos- Best of the second worst division in the NFL.
2. Chargers- Second Wild Card
3. Chiefs- Herm Edwards is the Sith apprentince.
4. Raiders- Al Davis is the Lord of the Siths.

AFC East:
1. Jets- Get used to it.
2. Patriots- The third Wild Card team. Unless Bradey goes down. Oh wait...
3. Bills- .500
4. Dolphins- Better than their record.

First Round NFC Winners- Saints, and Bears
First Round AFC Winners- Colts, and Jets

Second Round NFC Winners- Cowboys and Saints
Second Round AFC Winners- Steelers and Broncos

NFC Champs: Cowboys
AFC Champs: Steelers

Super Bowl Champs: Cowboys

MVP: Tony Romo

Don't worry about a repeat in 2009 though. Every single member of the 'boys will hold out of the '09 training camp for more money, hookers, and blow.

The All-Time Chicago White Sox Team

Black Sox included.

Catcher: CARLTON FISK

1. Highlights: Ten straight double digit HR seasons. 4 All Star teams. Double digits in doubles ten out of eleven seasons.

2. Career Best: .293 AVG in '89, .378 OBP in '90, .518 in '83. 37 HRs, and 101 RBIs in '85. 85 RS, 141 Hits, and 26 doubles in '83.

3. Summary: One of the top ten catchers in baseball history. His best season was in Boston, but he was hurt a lot, and missed a ton of games for the Red Sox. Boston gave up on him, famously, too quickly. Carlton came back in a big way after he was traded. The best part of his career was in Chicago.

First Base: FRANK THOMAS

1. Highlights: Back to back MVP seasons: '93, and '94. Eight straight years with over a .300 AVG, .400 OBP, 100 RS, 100 RBIs, and 100 BB. Five straight years with 35 or more HRs and over a .600 SLG. Ten straight seasons with 25 or more doubles. In his eighteen seasons played, Frank Thomas has had a +OPS of over 100 in seventeen of them. His .729 SLG in '94 was the first .700 SLG in the American League since Ted Williams in '57.

2. Career Best: .353 AVG, .487 OBP, and a .729 SLG all in '94. 115 RS, 191 Hits, 143 RBIs, and 43 HRs in '00. 46 doubles in '92. 138 BB in '91.

3. Summary: For most of his career, there was a running debate over who was the better first baseman: Frank or Jeff Bagwell. Most prominent baseball experts came out for Bagwell, including Bill James. I think those experts would like a do over. Along with Griffey Jr., Thomas seems to be the poster child for playing clean in the Steroid Era. Thomas was always so big and so strong, it begs the question: what would the man have done and looked like if he HAD done steroids and HGH? Conan the Barbarian? Solomon Grundy? Incidentally, Frank has one of the lowest Hit by Pitch ratios of all time. Go figure.

Second Base: EDDIE COLLINS
1. Highlights: 12 straight years with an OPS+ of over 100. Came in second in the MVP voting two years in a row: '23, and '24 ( he won a MVP while with Philly). A .400 OBP or better eleven out of twelve seasons with the Chi Sox. A .300 AVG or better ten out of twelve seasons.

2. Career Best: 224 hits, 38 doubles, .372 AVG, and a .493 SLG in '20. A .461 OBP in '25. 118 RS in '18. 17 triples in '16. 53 SB in '17.

3. Summary:Like a lot of the All-Time greats, Eddie did a lot of things well, for a long time. When you see the best numbers spread out over multiple seasons, it's a good indication of a player who always found a way to contribute. Top five second baseman of All-Time. Not implicated in throwing the 1919 World Series.


Third Base: ROBIN VENTURA

1. Highlights: Double digit HRs and doubles for six years. Had an OPS+ of over 100 for eight straight years.

2. Career Best: .295 AVG, and .384 OBP in '95. 38 doubles in '92. 34 HR and 105 RBI in '96. 105 BB in '93.

3. Summary: It always seemed like , with that fluid swing of his, he had more in him. Maybe Robin was one of those guys that things come too easy to for their own good; like Darryl Strawberry, another lefty with a sweet swing. Still a solid fielding third baseman with some power, who gets on base is hard to find. Charged the mound on the 46 year old Nolan Ryan and got his ass handed to him.

Shortstop: LUKE APPLING

1. Highlights: A Hall of Famer, Appling won two batting titles, played in seven All Star games and came in second in the MVP voting twice. Hit .300 or better 15 out of 16 years. Led the league in OBP in '43.

2. Career Best: 111 RS, 204 Hits, 128 RBI, .388 AVG, .474 OBP, .508 SLG all in '36 (the high water year for league offense). 42 doubles in '37. 13 triples in '40. 8 HR in '47. 27 steals in '43.

3. Summary: The man could hit, but his defense was consistently average; which makes him more of a modern shortstop. Didn't have a ton of speed, and didn't steal a lot of bases. Had doubles power. Sort of a unique player in that he wasn't really a big run scorer(reached 100 only once), wasn't a big RBI man ( reached 100 only once), and he would alternate season by season, between taking a lot of walks and putting the ball in play. Baseball people used to look down their collective noses at walks. If Appling played today, he'd probably draw around 100 walks every season, and the yearly variations in his batting approach would disappear.

Outfield: JOE JACKSON

1. Highlights: Led the league in triples twice. Hit over .300 every year with the White Sox. Had double digits in doubles and triples every full year with Chicago. Had over 200 hits, 40 doubles, and 20 triples twice ( '16 and '20 his first and last years with Chicago).

2. Career Best: 105 RS, 218 Hits, 42 doubles, 121 RBI, .382 AVG, .444 OBP, .589 SLG all in '20(had slightly higher numbers during seasons with Cleavland). 21 triples, and 24 SB in '16.

3. Summary: Joe's best years were in Cleavland, and I have no doubt that he wished he'd never been traded to Chicago. You don't hit .375 in a World Series trying to throw games. But there's no denying that Joe sat in on the meetings where the decision by other players to throw games was made. I guess Joe thought he could have it both ways: attend the meetings, talk shit and act tough, then play hard in the games to look good in front of the public. Didn't work out so hot.


Outfield: MINNIE MINOSO

1. Highlights: Made six All-Star teams. Won two gold gloves. Scored 100 runs and had 100 RBI four times. Had double digits in doubles, triples and HRs in the same season three times. Led the league for one season in hits '60, total bases '54, doubles '57, and games played '60. Led the league three times in triples, and stolen bases. Led the league in hit by a pitch eight times; a forerunner of Craig Biggio.

2. Career Best: 119 RS in '54, 184 hits in '60, 36 doubles in '57, 18 triples in '54, 21 HR in '56, 116 RBI in '54, 31 SB in '51, .326 AVG in '51, .425 OBP in '56, .535 SLG in '54.

3. Summary: Minnie was 28 when he made his debut in the majors in '49. He'd played in the Negro leagues since '45. If he hadn't lost those four years to the color barrier would Minoso be in the Hall of Fame? I think so. Regardless, Minoso is one of the most well rounded, and underrated players of the post-war period. Never got to play in the post season, a shame because I believe he was the exact type of player who shines in pressure situation: the type who can make adjustments to how he's being pitched and still be just as productive.

Outfield: MAGGLIO ORDONEZ

1. Highlights: Made four All-Star teams, and won one Silver Slugger award. 100 RS three times, four straight years with over 100 RBI and 30 HRs, five straight years with over 34 doubles, .300 AVG, and a .500 SLG.

2. Career Best: 192 hits in '03. 25 SB in '01. 116 RS, 47 doubles, 38 HRs, 135 RBI in '02. .320 AVG in '02, .382 OBP in '01, .597 SLG in '02.

3. Summary: Great power and average hitter who's defense is bad enough that he should be a DH. Unfortunately for Maggs, Frank Thomas and Gary Sheffeild were both worse defenders than Ordonez was when he played with them.

Designated Hitter: HAROLD BAINES

1. Highlights: Made four All-Star teams. Won the Silver Slugger award in '89. Led the AL in SLG in '84. Ten straight seasons with double digits in both doubles and HRs. Harold was the oldest player in the league in '01.

2. Career Best: 39 doubles in '88. 10 triples, and 29 HR in '84. 198 hits, and .311 AVG, .399 OBP, .541 SLG.

3. Summary: Played in the bad stat era of the eighties; almost a mini-deadball era compared to the seventies players and the nineties players. I mean the guy led the American league in slugging one year with a .541. A .541! Harold was one of the most feared left handed hitters in the American league for years, and this is one career where the numbers don't tell the whole story.

Pitchers:ED WALSH, EDDIE CICOTTE, DOC WHITE, BILLY PIERCE, RED FARBER.--Closer: HOYT WILHELM

1. Highlights: Billy Pierce had an ERA+ of 201 in 1955. Otherwise most of the pitching records are Ed Walsh's. He was sort of a Walter Johnson light for the White Sox. Ed Walsh 1.27 ERA and 0.820 WHIP in 1910. Walsh also had 40 Wins, 42 CG, 11 SHO, 269 SO and 464 innings in 1908. Bobby Thigpen 57 Saves in 1990.

2. Career Best: Ed Walsh's 1908: 464 IP, 269 SO, 40 W 15 L, 1.42 ERA, 0.860 WHIP, 163 ERA+.

Eddie Cicotte's 1917: 346 IP, 150 SO, 28 W 12 L, 1.53 ERA, 0.912 WHIP, 174 ERA+.

Doc White's 1906: 219 IP, 95 SO, 18 W 6 L, 1.52 ERA, 0.903 WHIP, 168 ERA+.

Billy Pierce's 1955: 205 IP, 157 SO, 15 W 10 L, 1.97 ERA, 1.099 WHIP, 201 ERA+.

Red Faber's 1921: 330 IP, 124 SO, 25 W 15 L, 2.48 ERA, 1.149 WHIP, 171 ERA+.

Hoyt Wilhelm's 1965: 66 games, 144 IP, 106 SO, 1.81 ERA, 0.833 WHIP, 176 ERA+.


3. Summary: Is that the best All-Time staff? It damn well could be. Top five definitely.

Bench: NELLIE FOX,A.J. PIERZYNSKI, CARLOS LEE, BIBB FALK, PAUL KONERKO


Bullpen: Bobby Thigpen, TED LYONS, REB RUSSELL, FRANK SMITH, JIM SCOTT

Batting Order:
1.Collins-L
2.Appling-R
3.Jackson-L
4.Thomas-R
5.Baines-L
6.Ordonez-R
7.Ventura-L
8.Fisk-R
9.Minoso-R

Conclusion: An extremely balanced line-up that has everything but great speed on the bases. An unbelievable rotation that could pitch shutouts against the '27 Yankees. Throw in a great bench and a solid bullpen and the Chi Sox are pushing for a spot in the top five teams of All-Time. Although there's always the chance they might end up throwing all their games; you know, for the money.

My Life in Albums

So yeah, this is way way off topic, but I saw this, and I was compelled to do it myself... And just so we're clear - this is a retrospective look. I'm not talking about the albums that I thought were the best in that year. I'm looking back and saying objectively what I now think the best albums released that year are. Also, greatest hits records don't count. Also also, I have to have actually listened to the whole album, if not owned it at one point.


Here's nothing:

1978: Ambient I: Music for Airports, by Brian Eno

1979: (tie) London Calling, by The Clash and The Wall, by Pink Floyd

1980: Back in Black, AC/DC

1981: Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap, AC/DC (really, i'm not a big AC/DC fan at all, but I'm tellin ya, 1981 is a rough year for music. I'd probably pick October by U2, but honestly, I never really listened to the whole thing...)

1982: Thriller, by Michael Jackson

1983: War, by U2

1984: Reckoning, by R.E.M.

1985: Meat is Murder, by The Smiths

1986: So, by Peter Gabriel

1987: Diesel and Dust, by Midnight Oil and The Joshua Tree, by U2 (with Document by R.E.M., Appetite for Destruction, by G'N'R, and Kick by INXS right behind these two... what a great year for music...)

1988: Rattle and Hum, by U2

1989: The Stone Roses, by The Stone Roses

1990: Ritual de lo Habitual, by Jane's Addiction

1991: Loveless, by My Bloody Valentine and Achtung Baby by U2. I'm sorry. I can't pick. Especially cause it was going to be a no-brainer for Ten by Pearl Jam until i saw that both the U2 and MBV records both came out in THE SAME MONTH?!?!?! Oh, to go back in time and smack my 13-year old self upside the head and tell him to buy these instead of the Use Your Illusions... well, in all fairness, I did buy Achtung Baby...

1992: Angel Dust, by Faith No More

1993: Dubnobasswithmyheadman, by Underworld

1994: Grace, by Jeff Buckley

1995: The Bends, by Radiohead

1996: Being There, by Wilco

1997: OK Computer, by Radiohead - the only year that required no research at all (which is unfortunate, because some great records came out this year - Perfect from Now On, by Built to Spill; Either/Or, by Elliott Smith; Lonesome Crowded West, by Modest Mouse; Urban Hymns, by the Verve; Young Team, by Mogwai; and F♯A♯∞, by Godspeed You! Black Emperor.

1998: Mezzanine, by Massive Attack

1999: Keep It Like A Secret, by Built To Spill

2000: Kid A, by Radiohead

2001: Those Who Tell The Truth Shall Die, Those Who Tell the Truth Shall Live Forever, by Explosions in the Sky

2002: Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, by Wilco

2003: Give Up, by The Postal Service

2004: Eveningland, by Hem

2005: Illinois, by Sufjan Stevens

2006: Everything All the Time, by Band of Horses and The Animal Years, by Josh Ritter

2007: Neon Bible, by Arcade Fire

2008: The Seldom Seen Kid, by Elbow

All-Time Teams - Seattle Mariners, or, A History of Abject Failure and/or Disappointment

Oh, the Mariners! My team of teams. I loved them as a young boy, my interest in baseball waned, then came back with a vengence. Through it all, I've kept my allegiance to this sucker of a team. With our tridents held high, let us set sail on the seas of Mariner-dom and pick out the mightiest of sailors.

Catcher: Dan Wilson
1. Highlights: Well, Wilson was always a fan favorite. He was also pretty consistent for a catcher. I'd rather be able to say something more about the "best" catcher in M's history, but there you have it.

2. Career Best: Career season was 1996, where he put up a .285/.330/.444 line, with 18 hrs and 83 RBI, all career highs. Also finished with a .995 fielding percentage behind the plate.

3. Summary: Like I said, kinda bad for the best ever, but Wilson was a solid backstop for 2 waves of great Seattle teams (mid 90s, early 2000s), was an excellent defensive catcher, and managed every year to not suck. In Seattle, that means success!!!

First Base: Alvin Davis

1. Highlights: Beating out Tino Martinez and John Olerud, both of whom had short tenures in Seattle, Davis started out with a bang in 1984 (RoY) and strung together 8 solid years at first.

2. Career Best: .305/.424/.496 line with 156 OPS+ in 1989, 29 HRs and 37 doubles in 1987.

3. Summary: Solid, reliable, but not terribly flashy. OPS+ stayed above 100 until his last season in Seattle. Finished with 160 HRs and a career .280/.380/.450 line, which is remarkable if only for showing a remarkable discipline to finish one's career with such round numbers.

Second Base: Bret Boone

1. Highlights: One of the driving factors in the M's epic 2001 regular season. Had a solid string of 4 seasons from 2001 through 2004, before suffering an epic collapse in 2005.

2. Career Best: That 2001 season, losing the MVP race to Ichiro despite a .331/.372/.578 line with 37 hrs and 141 RBI, all career highs.

3. Summary: Undoubtedly a Roid monster, he exploded from a poor-to-mediocre talent to a MVP candidate with power, speed and versatility, only to deflate quickly and come crashing to Earth. Still, his 2001 has to be one of the best seasons by a 2B in the last 20... definitely among the top 5.

Third Base: Edgar Martinez

1. Highlights: 6 year stretch in the late nineties of hitting at least .320, hitting at least 22 hrs, and posting OPS+ of 150 or higher.

2. Career Best: I think it'd have to be 1995, where he won the AL batting title, leading the AL in OBP, hit .356/.479/.628, and hit 29 HRS.

3. Summary: A little bit of cheating here... Edgar really belongs at DH, as he spent an overwhelming majority of his career there. But the M's really have no good 3Bs in their history, and Edgar was just so good that I decided to look upon his pre-hamstrung hamstring days with favor.

Shortstop: Alex Rodriguez

1. Highlights: While he didn't put up the Herculean numbers he would eventually tally in Texas and New York, Seattle's #1 overall pick in 1993 got goin in a hurry for the Mariners. Despite only playing here for 3500 PAs, in the top 10 in every major offensive category.

2. Career Best: 1996, his first full season, where he finished second in the MVP voting to Juan Gonzalez, despite putting up arguably better numbers. Finished batting .358/.414/.631, with 36 HRs and 123 RBI.

3. Summary: This is the guy any good Mariner fan loves to hate, but his impact on the game in Seattle (perhaps in general) is undeniable. He put up good season after good season, stayed out of trouble, and before jumping ship for the highest paycheck, did all we could ask of him.

Outfield: Ken Griffey, Jr.

1. Highlights: In the top 5 of every meaningful offensive category in Seattle history (and in the top 3 of most of those), The Kid played with a swagger and grace never before seen in Seattle. This picture (and everything behind it) singlehandedly saved baseball in Seattle.

2. Career Best: His monster 1997 year won him the MVP - 56 hrs, 147 RBI. However, I'd argue that his 1994 was the more ridiculous season - 40 hrs, .323/.402/.674 in 110 games. His run from 1993 through 2000 (save an injury filled 1995) is pretty spectacular.

3. Summary: This guy was on the way to being the best ever, and prior to jumping ship from Seattle in a fairly disgraceful manner, he lived up to every bit of potential everyone saw in him. Manning centerfield better than anyone in his generation, putting up power numbers with apparent effortlessness, this guy was among the most well-rounded players in the modern era.

Outfield: Ichiro Suzuki

1. Highlights: The new face of the Mariners, the master of the awesome sports quote ("To tell the truth, I'm not excited to go to Cleveland, but we have to. If I ever saw myself saying I'm excited going to Cleveland, I'd punch myself in the face, because I'm lying."), a strange athletic phenomenon, and really one of the more underrated players (in my opinion). Career .331 BA, record holder for hits in one season with 262, and a cannon of an arm.

2. Career Best: 2004, 262 hits, .372 BA, 36 stolen bases. Just a monster of a year - especially considering he started in April/May at .255. 3 months batting over 400, 4 months with 50+ hits. Crazy.

3. Summary: 1278 hits in Japan, 1692 hits in the majors. Dude is a hit machine - I really think that he'll pass Pete Rose in hits total (which obviously won't count, but still...). He's just a unique individual, a great player, and almost impossible to defend against.

Outfield: Jay Buhner

1. Highlights: Couldn't hit for average to save his life, his strikeouts sent stiff breezes blowing throughout the Kingdome (creating some form of cyclone phenomenon - may have been responsible for this), but boy did that ball fly off his bat.

2. Career Best: 1996, where he hit 44 HRs, 138 RBI and struck out a mere 159 times. Worth noting was his career high in strikeouts, which is an impressive 175 Ks in 540 AB.

3. Summary: Bone, as he is affectionately known, is a crazy bastard. Read this story to find the portion about Jay Buhner - believe me, the whole article is great, but Jay's portion is awesome. Truly a power hitter, also had a cannon of an arm, and anchored the bottom half of the M's lineup for several years.

Designated Hitter: John Olerud

1. Highlights: A Washington native, he was welcomed home with open arms to finish his career. Well, he had stints with the Yanks and Sox after he left Seattle, but still. Notable for his steady production (often around .300, lots of doubles and 20 hrs) and for wearing a batting helmet on the field (the result of having an aneurysm while on the field at WSU), he may also be the whitest man ever.

2. Career Best: His best season in Seattle came in 2002, with a .300/.403/.490 line. He accounted for 7.2 RC/9, and in his usual quiet way, knocked in 102 runs on 22 HRs.

3. Summary: Make no mistake, Olerud's finest days were prior to his stint in Seattle. I'd guess that he'll easily make the Blue Jays all-time team and, while he was there for a very short time, may make at least the bench in New York for the Mets. That said, Olerud was a key component of the 2000-2004 M's.

Pitchers: Randy Johnson, Jamie Moyer, Mark Langston, Freddy Garcia, Felix Hernandez Closer: Kazuhiro Sasaki

1. Highlights: Well, not much to say here... The Big Unit was a machine in his times in Seattle, and Moyer is the polar opposite type of pitcher, but reinvented his career remarkably well. This is not a great rotation, by any stretch, but when all of these guys were on their game, they'd get some guys out.

2. Career Best: Randy Johnson's 1997 (20 wins, 2.28 ERA, 291 Ks) is up there, as is Moyer's 21 wins in 2003. Freddy probably gets in here because he was good, but he was playing with the offensive Juggernaut that was the 2001 M's. Saves: 45, Kaz Sasaki in 2001.

3. Summary: I guess I've said enough. These guys could all strike some guys out. Bad Sunglasses is gonna give me shit for including Felix Hernandez, but I believe. I've drank (drunk? well, consumed anyway) the Kool-Aid. When he is on, boy, get out of the way. Let's hope we can re-sign him and he can lead us to a victory. Also, how can you not root for a closer who retired from the league because, basically, he was an alcoholic and an inveterate womanizer?

Bench: Harold Reynolds, Mike Cameron, Raul Ibanez, Dave Valle and Phil Bradley

Bullpen: Mike Schooler, J.J. Putz, Arthur Rhodes, Jeff Nelson, Norm Charlton

Batting Order:

1. Ichiro (L)

2. Edgar Martinez (R)

3. Ken Griffey, Jr (L)

4. Alex Rodriguez (R)

5. Bret Boone (R)

6. John Olerud (L)

7. Jay Buhner (R)
8. Alvin Davis (L)

9. Dan Wilson (R)

Conclusion: It's a sad lot in life to root so heartily for such a disappointing team. Even when we set the modern baseball record for wins in a season, we can't beat the Damn Yankees. And we are in the midst of the most epic breakdown this season. But I still love this loser of a team, and we'll be back. Mariners in '09! (or, more realistically, '10).

The 2008 NBA Draft-The Way It Should Be

So after a watershed year for the NBA, we will see if the lessons learned have been absorbed in time for the draft tonight. Usually the draft is a great opportunity for ridicule, but after two blockbuster trades sent two teams going nowhere to the Finals, there's finally a possibility that the GMs have caught on to what's been obvious to everyone else the past 15 years. Namely European big guys are soft, the guards are better, if a player doesn't perform at a high level in college it's not because he was in the wrong system, he doesn't have it. And the number one thing: if you pick a player in the lottery under 6'7", he'd better be able to shoot and handle the ball, and if you pick a player over 6'8", he'd better be able to score in the paint and rebound.

That being said, the teams will still find a way to fuck it up. So, for posterity's sake, here's how I think the draft should go down.

1. Chicago: Michael Beasley

So two things: 1. Taking the hometown hero to save the Pro team has only worked for LeBron. Most have flamed out under the pressure. Rose is from Chicago and will be under tremendous stress if picked here. 2. The Bulls need scoring in a big way and that's what you get from Beasley. They especially need interior scoring as their two returning High point getters are jump shooters, Deng, and Gordon. Rose gives them leadership and an ability to penetrate. He's not a great passer a la Paul, and without tutelage like Deron Williams got from John Stockton in Utah, don't expect him to log 8-10 assists things.

2. Miami: Derrick Rose

He's best off here, and so is Miami. With Rose and Wade on the perimeter, Miami could have the same kind of outside attack as the back-to-back championship Piston teams of the 80's, with Rose playing Dumars to Wade's Isiah. Wade's ability to create will cover for Rose's lack of assists.

3. Minnesota: Roy Hibbert

If Chicago and Miami brain-fart and Beasley is available here, of course, they take him in a dream scenario for the Wolves. But he won't be available, so God help them from OJ Mayo, the foregone bust of this draft. All of their recent picks have been 1, 2,or 3s. They need help on the inside for Al Jefferson. Someone to rebound, defend, block shots, and shoot a high percentage when the ball finds him open. And who does that in this draft? Roy Hibbert. Feel free to kill for this pick now, but in three years when we look back at this draft, he will be a top five pick.

4. LA Clippers (from Seattle): Jerryd Bayless

This team needs backcourt help in the worst way. They are rumored to be getting this pick only if OJ Mayo hasn't been taken, in which case Seattle will. The aforementioned rule of hometown hero rules out Westbrook here. So I'm going with Bayless. He's got the height to defend, unlike Augistin, and he's a pure point, unlike Gordon. Like Hibbert, he probably will be taken after a bunch of other guys at his position, but 3 years from now he'll be neck and neck with Rose for the top Point Guard in this draft.

5. Memphis: Kevin Love

This team looks terrible, and it is, but there is hope. Conely at point and Gay at small forward is a decent foundation. Neither one is a leader or the face of the franchise. Love would fit both niches, as well as score on the block, rebound, play better defense than he'll get credit for and keep the ball moving in what, if you throw Miller in there, is a potent offense.

6. New York: Russell Westbrook

A great fit. Westbrook would make everybody on this team better and wouldn't have to worry about scoring, with Zach Randolph and Jamal Crawford hogging the ball. The Knicks are too dumb and unlucky to get this player though.

7. Seattle: Marreese Speights

They need help everywhere except for small forward, Kevin Durant, and he's a perimeter forward, so I'm going inside (of course they are looking for a point). Another surprise as there are two or three centers rated ahead of him. This guy has size and his FG is over 60%. Lopez by comparison is under 50%. Otherwise their numbers are comparable.

8. Milwaukee: Mario Chalmers

Another team with a desperate need for a point guard. Luckily for the Bucks, this draft is loaded with point guards. I took Chalmers over Augistin because of Chalmers' versatility, height, and great defensive ability.

9. Charlotte: Danilo Gallinari

They already have a swing forward in Wallace, but Gallinari is a great fit for their roster and would allow them to play a Phoenix type of game.

10. New Jersey: Darrell Arthur

Strong quick, plays defense, runs the floor, and can hit a 10 footer. Now that the Nets have Yi, they need somebody to play inside, and Arthur is the best inside power forward outside of Kevin Love.