I was flipping channels after the late playoff game last night and had one lingering question: is it possible to watch Basic Cable after 11pm, and not see Girls Gone Wild commercials, and who are these Ho's? This is the question that burns the mind ( and other body parts ). As if I needed another reason to keep my Fatherless streak going.
But I digress; on to Part Two of the 2008 NBA Regular Season Awards.
The Rasputin, We're Really Gonna Have To Get Our Hands Dirty To Get Rid Of This Guy Award: Isiah Thomas. He lasted the entire season. It's the equivalent of a Bakery leaving a moldy piece of bread for sale the entire year, before finally giving up and throwing it away. Meanwhile the moldy bread has giving new meaning to the word disgusting, and turned off everyone who used to love the Bakery. What a legacy for a Hall of Famer. He's lucky he's getting out now, because he's bordering on O.J. territory.
The Robert Downey Jr, Flashes of Brilliance, Unfulfilled Expectations Award: Rasheed Wallace. He's got the size, athletic ability, and skill to not only be a hall of famer, but also one of the top 50 players of all time. He averaged 12 points and seven rebounds this year. Having followed his career in college, I can pinpoint when his lack of desire began. He was the #1 player coming out of High School going to a historic college program(UNC) returning all but one of it's top ten players. The Tarheels were coming off a National Championship, but from the moment Wallace stepped on the court at the Dean Dome he was the best player on the team, which was nothing new for him. It had been that way his entire life. He spent his entire Freshman year, alon with fellow Freshmen and future NBA players Jerry Stackhouse, and Jeff McGinnis, ruining any chance UNC from repeating as Champion, by pouting and chafing at playing time. He almost seemed happy when UNC lost in the tournament that year, because now that the Senior center starting ahead of him, Eric Montross, would be graduating it was "Rasheed's time". Instead, when UNC played Wake Forest the next year Rasheed ran into Tim Duncan. The were the same age, the same year in school, and nobody had heard of Duncan yet. He thoroughly destroyed Wallace both times they played. Rasheed had never been outplayed by another center well, and instead of rising to face the challenge, he went the other way. If he couldn't be number one why bother. Rasheed turned Pro that summer and has been frustrating owners,coaches, teammates, and fans ever since. But as Rasheed has said, he only plays for the paycheck.
The Colin Powell, Why Don't People Realize He's A Douche Bag Award
Jason Kidd. Currently in the process of slitting Avery Johnson's throat. Really, the guy's the worst coach killer in my lifetime; literally every stop he's made he's assianated the guy in the tie. Kidd's also notorious for glaring at teammates who ever drop one of his "perfect" passes. At the same time, he has NEVER worked on his shooting and is the worst brick-layer of any ALL-Star guard ever. It's not even close. He goes 2-14 and is giving his teammates dirty looks? Douche bag.
The Larry Bird, Best White Guy Award: Dirk Nowitzki. We could quibble over whether he should be considered foreign or white. But if we limit this award to native born crackers, that leaves us with Mike Dunleavy Jr as the choice for this award. And nobody wants that.
The Barak Obama, Making The Jump To Superstar Award: Chris Paul. This is really his year. From overlooked last year to first team NBA, a second place finish at worst in the MVP voting, and leading his team to 2nd place in the West? He's an all-timer ladies and gentleman.
The Nikola Tesla, Under appreciated Genius Award: Gregg Popovich. Three championships in the past five years and four in his career, Pop. is also extremely pale, has bad skin, bad teeth, and a receding hairline. Thank God he can coach.
The El Duque, Wait How Old Is That Guy Award: Dikembe Mutombo. 41 years old (he says), and started 25 games. If I'm able to watch NBA games at 41, I'll be happy.
The Daniel Plainview, "I Drink Your Milkshake" Award
Goes to Mitch Kupchak, General Manager of the LA Lakers, for pulling off the Pau Gasol deal;the greatest horns-waggle of a trade since LA, coincidentally, dealt four nobodies for Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
No comments:
Post a Comment