I'm not quite as sold on this NBA season being "the best since '93" or any of the other platitudes being thrown around. There has been an abundance of great individual performers this year, and some eye catching trades. But it's a little sad when over half the teams in the league didn't tank the final forty games of the season for the first time in a decade, and the public is supposed to stand up and take notice.
The NBA boasts more poorly run franchise than any other sport in America; including Hockey and "Pro" Soccer. It's a shame because the NBA also claims at least a third if not half of all the elite athletes in America, as well as the elite over 6'4" athletes from the entire planet. Just a ridiculous failure by the owners, otherwise successful business people, to serve what is a municipal trust. Maybe that's the problem, the sport is run by Men whose recipe for success is serving themselves, and the public obligation of owning a sport franchise is incompatible with their top-hat-monocled Monopoly character capitalist core. I could delve deeper into why this is a basketball problem more than other sports leagues, but I'll save it for another column.
All in all though, It's been a season to build on. For the first time in a decade, there is a real feeling that with the age limit on players working and likely to be increased, the new no-hand-checking rules opening up the game, and the Ambivalence All-Stars of the mid to late nineties fading away and retiring ( another column unto itself )better things lie ahead for the league. So without anymore grousing the First Annual Depth Chart NBA Regular Season Awards.
The Albert Belle, Unceremonious Exit Award: Goes to Chris(Gimme a Time-Out)Webber. Hailed as the greatest big man of his generation, he ended up with a lesser career than Jack Sikma. Also an inaugural member of the Max-Contract-Hide From the Big Shot All Stars. He also famously dated Tyra Banks, possibly contributing to her dementia.
The Dan Foutes, All Offense, No Defense Award: Allen Iverson. Who else? The most telling of an abundance of stats: averages less than 2 fouls a game. How can you average less than two fouls ( 1.3 to be exact)and play any semblance of defense? You just can't.
The Gary Hart, Career Self-Saboteur Award: Stephon (Truck Party) Marbury wins, and wins big (a rarity for him). In theory, he's won this award every year of his career; although this is the first year of the award's existence. After his retirement surely this award will be named after him.
The Adlai Stevenson, Uninspiring Greatness Award: Tim Duncan. Pass.
The Barry Sanders, I-Hate-My-Teammates Award: Lebron. Chalk it up to his going straight from high school to stardom,but I've never seen a star player show his displeasure in such a childish fashion. Beyond his constant nail-biting on the bench, He's "The King" of the Marty Feldman eye-rolling.
The Jessica Alba, I'll Do Anything To Play With You Award: This award maybe unfairly favors point guards, but only recently. This years winner is Chris Paul, overtaking the likes of Steve Nash, who overtook Jason Kidd. So congrats. Dallas, you traded for J-Kidd 5 years too late! On the bright side, Texas seems to be the home base for recently divorced, on the downside of their careers athletes. So at least Jason will benifit from some southern-upskirt-hospitality. But really Chris Paul has been fabulous this year. His teammates love him, and guys are lining up to sign contracts for less money than they could get elsewhere just to suit up with the guy. Paul's nickname on the other hand sucks: CP3. Lame.
The Kofi Annan, "Come Again?" Award: Goes to Andre Iguodala. Yes, Andre Iguodala has led the 76ers to the playoffs. You heard that right: Andre Iguodala.
The Ben Grieve, On-Second-Thought-Can-We-Have-A-Do-Over-On-The-Rookie-Of-The-Year-Award Award:
And the winner is Al Horford. Al is destined for the Joe Smith career average of 11 points 6 rebounds. You have been warned.
The Isiah Thomas, The Only way I Could Alienate My Fan-Base More, Is If I Joined Al-Queda Award: No surprise here: Isiah Thomas. Worst coach ever.
PartII: coming tomorrow
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